I don't think people understand how hard this is going to be for me.
I am going to release my online journal to some invitees right now, and it is against everything I wanna do.
Not because I don't want to share. But yes because it is not perfect yet.
I haven't written My Story and put it in a cute little tab at the top of the page.
I haven't organized the side gadgets and made sure I have them just how I want them.
I haven't put up my "Mormon" tab, which I want to. It's cute.
And I still haven't decided about comments.
I keep debating! Allow comments. No comments. Allow comments. No comments.
I've changed my mind at least six times in the last two days.
It's just so fresh.
I left the hospital on Sunday and was feeling brave. I knew I had to tell the world before I was too afraid to anymore.
Now I'm feeling not so brave.
I'm not sure I'm ready to "converse" about it. And I feel like that will happen if I enable comments.
Later I think I'll be a converse-a-holic.
But today. I don't think so. I'm still in it. Deep. Like real deep.
Yet I want to hear people say, "I can relate to that!" Or, "I want to try that!" Or, "Thank you. That made me think." Heck, maybe none of this mumbo-jumbo is worth any of that anyhow.
But love, love and feedback. I like those things.
It's just that I'm not really ready for people that don't understand. I'm not ready for comments like, "Just let it go." "You're too hard on yourself." "Perk up!" Whatever. But I know there's a whole nation of people out there, like me, that don't want to feel alone.
So I'm doing it.
It's not perfect.
And I'm scared.
Be gentle with my heart.
